Landon (Swanson Court Book 4) Page 11

  “How are you, Landon?”

  “I’m fine, Ava.”

  There’s a pause. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  I frown. Knowing Ava, it’s not a blind question. She heard something. “Why do you ask?”

  She chuckles. It’s a breezy, tinkling sound. “Maybe I heard something.”

  “Maybe you should stop keeping tabs on me.”

  “I don’t have to. You know that. People make it their business to tell me things about you.”

  “Then maybe don’t listen.”

  “How could I not? I care about you.”

  “How’s Henri? Or is it Pierre? Or John? Notice my lack of knowledge about the details of your love life, Ava?”

  She laughs. “If you want to know who I’m sleeping with, you can always ask me.”

  “I don’t want to know.”

  She sighs. “Won’t you tell me about her, Landon?”

  Rachel. Rachel. Rachel. Her name dances through my mind, as well as the green flash of her exquisite eyes, her sweet voice, her smile, her laugh… I want her, and I don’t want to share her with anyone, much less Ava.

  Rachel.

  It feels as if when I left her outside her apartment on our return to New York, I left a part of myself with her.

  Goodbye, Landon!

  There was so much I wanted to say to her, and yet so little I felt I could say.

  Why was it so hard?

  Why did it feel like she was shutting me down and pushing me away whenever I tried to risk…opening a door to something more than just sex?

  “Landon?” Ava prompts.

  “I’ve got to go, Ava. I have work to do.”

  “Landon!” There’s a pout in her voice.

  “Talk later,” I say firmly, ending the call. Then I place the box back in its package and call for Tony, giving him instructions to send it back to Rachel.

  As soon as he confirms the package has been delivered, I place a call to her, waiting—almost nervously—for her to answer.

  When her voice comes on the phone, it’s distant and impersonal, yet it fills me with an acute longing.

  I want you.

  I focus on the topic I’ve chosen for this conversation, the jewelry. “Don’t even think of returning them,” I say without preamble. “I’ll just send them back, and I can do this all year.”

  Fight me, Rachel. Give me a reason to prolong this interaction, because I can’t bear for it to end.

  “Are you there?” I ask when she says nothing.

  “Landon.” Her tone is patient, but all I hear is her voice, and all I can think is how I want to hear it up close again. “I can’t keep them,” she says. “We agreed they were a loan.”

  “And now I want you to have them.”

  “It’s not enough that you want me to keep them,” she says. “Maybe you always get what you want, but this time—”

  There’s a wavering in her voice that I can’t bear, a ghost of hurt that somehow comes through the phone. I want to reach across the space between us and fix it.

  If she’ll let me.

  “Rachel…” I sigh. “Stop. I don’t carry expensive jewelry around in case I need to give gifts to random women. I bought them for you, because I thought they would look great on you.” It’s the truth. I also want to know she has something of mine, a reason to think about me, no matter what happens. I pull in a breath. “And contrary to what I said to you a long time ago, I don’t always get what I want.”

  Her reply, when it comes, is characteristically stubborn. “I’m not going to keep them Landon.”

  “Okay,” I concede, though it’s not okay at all. I’m not willing to accept defeat, not on this as well as losing her. “Why don’t we talk about it then, face to face?”

  “I don’t think…”

  “Let’s have lunch,” I persist. “I’ll come to you. Is that okay?”

  There’s a long silence. “It’s fine,” she says finally. “I’m free at one.”

  “Perfect.”

  I feel as if I’ve won something, taken one step forward, and I intend to keep advancing. I’m not ready to let her go.

  Not now.

  Not yet.

  But what if she doesn’t want to be with me?

  Something tightens in my stomach and I force the thought away.

  At a few minutes to one, Joe parks outside the front entrance of the Gilt building. The doors slide open and closed as people walk in and out.

  Where is she?

  I shouldn’t feel so much tension. It’s new and unfamiliar, and somehow, I can’t reason it away.

  Unable to wait in the car, I get out and wait on the curb then lean back on the car, tapping impatient fingers on the smooth body. A moment later, she emerges from the building and my jaw nearly drops.

  She’s wearing a silky top and a skirt that shows off her long legs. Her beautiful hair sways in the breeze as she walks, and for a moment, I’m unable to breathe.

  What on earth is this feeling?

  I stand upright, resisting the urge to go to her, to take her in my arms and promise her the world, promise her all the things I know I can’t give.

  I shouldn’t have come.

  Yet nothing could have kept me away.

  I must be mad.

  She approaches me, cautiously, like a curious fawn approaching a predator.

  “Hey.” Her voice is breathy.

  “Hey Rachel.”

  There’s a short silence, and I open the door for her. When she’s seated, I go around the car to join her in the back. I don’t say anything as Joe pulls into the street, but I can feel her eyes on me.

  I want to kiss her, to propose skipping lunch to go somewhere we can be alone, but I don’t want to scare her away. She looks nervous enough as it is.

  “How’s your day been?” The trite question spills out from my lips and I almost cringe. Good job, Landon.

  She shrugs. “Okay, just…work.”

  I nod. Our eyes meet, and for a moment, I’m pulled to her with a force that leaves me unable to think.

  What have you done to me, Rachel?

  The restaurant is on one of the top floors of a building overlooking the Hudson. Once seated, we stay silent as a waiter comes to take our order, but I’m aware of her, the way her eyes flit over me when she thinks I’m not looking. What is she thinking? What does she want?

  Does she want me?

  “You said you wanted to talk,” she reminds me.

  “I did.”

  “There was no need for us to come here because of your jewelry.” The stubborn expression is back. I’ve missed that, so fucking much.

  “Your jewelry, Rachel,” I reply smoothly. “I gave them to you, but that’s not why we’re here. I wanted to see you.”

  She doesn’t respond, but I can tell the words have an effect on her. Her throat works as she swallows, and her lips quiver visibly.

  “I wanted to see you,” I repeat. And God knows I want much more.

  “Why?” The word is barely louder than a whisper.

  “Why?” I laugh ruefully. Because I can’t stop thinking about her. Because our arrangement had the opposite effect from what I intended. I haven’t gotten her out of my system. I am more addicted to her than I ever was.

  I run a hand through my hair. I’m too tense, too nervous. “Because,” I say in a measured tone, “you’ve gotten under my skin in a way I didn’t think was possible.” She’s silent, so I continue. “I want to keep seeing you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

  She starts to say something, but our food arrives.

  I wait until we’re alone again. “When I asked you to take the trip with me to San Francisco, you insisted you only wanted our arrangement to last for a week. I want to know why.”

  This is the part I fear the most. The part where I fear she’ll tell me it could only be temporary because of the other man who already has a hold on her heart.

  “I was in a bad place,” she replies, looking
at me. “I thought a short physical relationship would help to get me back on track.”

  And did it? Is she ready to move on from Whatshisname? “You thought?”

  She looks down at the table. “What are you asking, Landon?”

  I might as well just put it all on the table. “I want to know if…” I exhale, searching for the right words. “What I’m saying is, I want you. I have from the moment I saw you, and I still do. I can’t let you go.”

  I can see her hesitation, and in there with it, longing. She feels something too, even if, for whatever reason, she’s not sure how she wants this…us…to go.

  “You don’t have to let me go,” she murmurs. “I don’t want you to.”

  Tension loosens in my belly, and I relax for the first time since I saw her outside her building. I keep a handle on the desire to sweep her into my arms and kiss her till I lose my breath.

  “The food is getting cold,” I say, my tone belying the intensity of my relief. “We should eat.”

  The change of subject amuses her, and her lips lift in a small, perfect smile. She’s so beautiful it makes me catch my breath, and I can barely take my eyes off her as we eat.

  If she notices, she doesn’t seem to mind.

  “What are you doing tonight?” I ask her later.

  She shrugs. “Nothing. Why?”

  “Aidan, my brother, has been working on a play. It’s still in the preview stage, but tonight is a press night, and I’m going to lend my support. Will you come?”

  She sucks in a corner of her lower lip. “I’d love to.”

  “Good.” My eyes follow the smooth sway of her lips, and arousal stirs in my pants. I want to taste those lips, suck on them, hear her moans… I exhale. “Now, I’m going to take you back to your office, because if I don’t, I’m going to have to find a place to fuck you.”

  Her eyebrows rise, and her eyes darken with a lush invitation that goes straight to my cock. “I can get away with another hour or so.”

  I need no more encouragement. I take her hand and lead her out of the restaurant. In the elevator, I grab her face in my hands and cover her lips with mine, tasting her with a hunger that has been building to a peak since the moment I set my eyes on her.

  She melts into my kiss, her body igniting with my touch. Her fingers dig into my hair and she strokes my tongue with hers, driving me to the verge of insanity. I can barely tear my mouth from hers, but I have to, or else we’ll end up fucking right here, right now.

  She moans in protest when I put some space between us. Her lips are swollen, her eyes glazed. “My place is closer than your hotel or your office,” she offers.

  Oh Rachel. “Your place it is.”

  The drive is much too long. Once we reach her apartment, I can barely wait to close the door before I’m devouring her again. Her passion is intoxicating, and desire is like a raging fire inside me. I barely notice anything around us as she leads the way to her bedroom. I just want to peel off her clothes and renew my acquaintance with her beautiful body.

  She has the same idea. Inside her bedroom, she hurriedly does away with my pants and briefs then gets on her knees and takes me in her mouth.

  Oh God!

  I can’t take it. “Fuck, Rachel. I need to be inside you right now.”

  Pulling her to her feet, I carry her to the bed, laying her gently on the soft mattress. Her skirt is in the way, so I push it up around her waist then tug down her lacy panties, tossing them on the floor. I position myself between her legs, kissing her lips as I enter her.

  She’s crying out and saying my name, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. It feels incredible to be making love to her again, to feel her body spasm around me. Her breasts graze my chest and her nails scratch my back. She wraps her legs around me, pulling me deeper, and the air leaves my chest in a groan.

  I never want to stop.

  When she comes, it feels like an earthquake, the way her body shatters. I gather her up in my arms, rising to my knees. Her legs are still around my waist and she braces her arms around my neck. With my arms around her, I keep going, fucking her even as the pulses of her climax continue. She cries out my name, over and over, her eyes closed, her body totally mine. I seize her lips in a deep kiss, swallowing her scream as she comes one more time and I spill myself deep inside her.

  Chapter 15

  “Is she your girlfriend now?”

  I left a message for Aidan earlier, and surprisingly, given how frantic it must be at the theater, he called me back.

  “I wouldn’t say it’s as defined as that,” I reply.

  “She sounds fun,” he says. “I think I like her already from what you’ve told me.”

  I chuckle. That would be a new one. Aidan has never liked any girl I introduced to him. “How’s it going over there?”

  He groans. “Madhouse.”

  “Don’t worry. Everything will come out great.”

  “I know,” he says quietly. “See you later.”

  I try not to worry about him as evening nears. Maybe now it’s time for me to be responsible for myself, he said back at his cabin, but old habits take a long time to die.

  Is she your girlfriend now?

  I take a deep breath. That’s not a word that has played a significant part in my life. I’ve never considered a long-term commitment to any woman, and my short-term affairs have always been devoid of any emotional elements.

  It’s different with Rachel, but I’m at a loss as to how to define what we have at this point.

  It’s definitely more than a temporary arrangement for meaningless sex.

  We’re together. We’re exclusive.

  I want all of her.

  And I’m ready to give her…what exactly?

  My tortuous memories? My pain? The emptiness of my life colored with little spots of great sex?

  Don’t overthink it, Landon.

  When I go to pick Rachel up, Brett opens the door for me. His grin is friendly. “Hey man.” He steps back to let me in. “How’s it going?”

  “Okay.”

  “Rachel’s getting ready,” he offers, going back to the couch where Laurie is waiting and peering at me with a suspicious expression that’s almost comical. She’s one moment away from deposing me, obviously.

  “Hi, Landon.” She places her head on Brett’s lap when he sits. “Good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Laurie.”

  She gives me a side-eye and I wonder how much of what occurred in San Francisco Rachel has shared with her.

  Just then, Rachel walks into the living room, and I stop wondering anything.

  Something tender and unfamiliar wells up inside me. God, she is lovely. Almost unbelievably so.

  I take a deep breath, wondering how I’ll keep my hands off her all night. “Hey baby.”

  Her cheeks warm. “Hey.”

  I go over to her and drop a light kiss on her lips. She smells like peaches and sweetness. Oh Rachel. “You ready?”

  “Almost.” She disappears for a moment and returns with a purse.

  “Have fun,” Laurie calls out before fixing me with a warning look. “Take care of her.”

  My eyes find Rachel’s and I grin. “I fully intend to.”

  Aidan’s play is spectacular, and despite his reservations about Liz McKay, his star, she makes the story come to life. Throughout the performance, Aidan sits pensively in one corner of the gallery, and I wonder if he’s even aware of how appreciative the audience is.

  When the final curtain falls, I take Rachel to meet him. After talking to a few theater critics, he looks almost cheerful.

  “You must be Rachel.” He gives her the smile that charmed all the nannies when he was little. “I’m Aidan.”

  “It’s great to meet you,” she replies with a sweet smile. “And your play was very enjoyable.”

  “I hope the critics think so.” He laughs. “But let’s forget about work. What’s a nice girl like you doing with my brother?”

&nb
sp; “None of your business,” I grunt.

  They both laugh merrily at my expense.

  “How’re you coping with your ingénue?” I ask Aidan.

  He shudders. “Don’t ask.”

  “I thought she was wonderful,” Rachel says. She has an idea that Aidan’s dislike of his star might be attraction in disguise. Now, watching Aidan, I wonder if she’s right.

  “She was spellbinding, actually,” Aidan says, his expression clouding. “But as I said, let’s forget about the play. Landon promised to take me out for a drink.” He holds out a hand to Rachel. “I hope you’re coming?”

  Aidan chooses a bar near the theater, where he entertains Rachel with stories about me. I glare and threaten, but as they are both having fun and hitting it off, I don’t really mind.

  I leave them together at the table and take a call about work. From the edge of the bar, I watch them talk and laugh. I’m glad about the success of the play, but more than that, I’m just so thankful to see Aidan happy. I still worry about him. It’s always after it looks like he’s started to soar that he crashes right back to the ground.

  Maybe now it’s time for me to be responsible for myself.

  I won’t hover and fret. I’m going to trust that he will be all right.

  I took care of your baby, Mom.

  I’m slightly emotional when I return to the table. Aidan is still revealing my secrets to Rachel, and I watch her laugh, her eyes shining as she looks at me.

  She’s mine.

  And I’m the luckiest man in the world.

  After a few more drinks, I walk with Rachel to the car. I hate to send her home on her own, but I don’t want to leave Aidan without talking to him alone.

  Beside the car, I take her face in my hands and touch my lips to hers, licking the seam of her lips before sliding my tongue inside her mouth. Sensation explodes, heady, sweet, and so addictive.

  “I have to stay,” I tell her when I release her. “Aidan and I have some things to discuss, but Joe will take you home.” My regret intensifies at the disappointment in her eyes.

  She doesn’t argue. “Okay.”