Lost In You (Swanson Court #3) Read online

  Contents

  Front

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Lost in You

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Epilogue

  Seven Years Later

  Author's note

  Acknowlegdement

  Connect

  Books

  SERENA GREY

  www.serenagrey.com

  This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

  LOST IN YOU

  Copyright © 2015 by Serena Grey.

  All rights reserved.

  Raven§Press

  To the awesome authors who wrote the stories that made me dream of writing mine.

  And to my readers, always.

  One night.

  One love.

  One heart.

  One forever.

  The concluding part of the Swanson Court Trilogy.

  What do you do when you take a leap of faith, and you don’t get what you expected?

  You move on.

  That is exactly what Rachel plans to do, to put aside her heartbreak, and concentrate on her work and the people she loves.

  But Landon is not easy to forget. When he reappears in her life, is he offering the perfect ending she wants more than anything, or just another flirtation with heartbreak, pain, danger, and devastating loss.

  I LOVE fall in New York. The crisp air, brilliant colors, clear skies, and beautiful sunsets. But today, as the car from the airport comes to a stop outside my building, I hardly notice those things.

  Once again, I’ve walked away from the man I love, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I still feel a strange kind of certainty from baring my feelings to Landon, but I can’t help wishing that things had turned out differently.

  But they hadn’t. Landon reacted to my confession that I was in love with him, not with pity and regret, as I’d feared, or reciprocation as I’d hoped, but with the fear that somehow, he was going to hurt me.

  That meant something, at least. It meant that I could hope. That maybe, just maybe, he could conquer whatever fears from his past made him reluctant to commit to me, the way I was committed to him.

  Now I only have to wait. Sometimes, holding on is not the answer. Sometimes, you have to let go and let love find a way to work. If Landon’s feelings for me are strong enough for him to want to build something with me, he knows where to find me. If he chooses to let me go, then I’ll have no excuse to keep dwelling on him. I’ll have no choice but to move on.

  And I’m strong enough to do that.

  With that thought, I start to fish for the keys to my apartment inside my purse. The Swanson Court driver who picked me up at the airport is still standing at the top of the stairs, carrying my luggage. “Thank you,” I tell him with a small smile. “You can leave it here.”

  He does as I say, giving me a polite nod before leaving. I let myself into the apartment, pausing at the door when I see Laurie and Brett on the couch. They’re facing each other, their heads close together and their hands clasped.

  When they notice me, Brett starts to get up, still holding Laurie’s hands. His eyes are glistening with tears, contrasting with the wide heartfelt smile on his face.

  I turn a puzzled glance to Laurie, who’s also standing now, facing me. She has definitely been crying, her cheeks are wet, but like Brett, she’s smiling through the tears.

  “Hi Rachel,” she says softly.

  Her voice tells me that it’s okay to hope that something has gone right. I look from her face to Brett’s, then back again. “Please tell me you’re not fighting anymore,” I whisper.

  Laurie shakes her head. She lets out a happy laugh. “No, we’re not.”

  Taking the few steps to where she’s standing, I envelop her in a hug before turning to Brett. “Glad to see you finally got it together,” I tell him, hugging him too.

  “Me too, Rach.” He returns my hug and kisses both my cheeks. His eyes are still glistening. “Thank you,” he whispers.

  “I’m just so happy for you both.” I roll my eyes at Laurie. “Finally!”

  “We’re going to get married,” she tells me, an edge of excitement in her voice. She releases a shaky breath, as if she doesn’t quite believe it yet. “We’re getting married,” she repeats.

  I turn to Brett, my eyes wide and my mouth open. He nods in confirmation and I scream, throwing my arms around Laurie again. “Oh Laurie! I’m so happy.” Now, I’m actually crying with happiness. “Wow!” I give her an arch look, “A lot happened while I was gone.”

  Laurie giggles, “You wouldn’t believe.”

  “I have to get back to the gym,” Brett says. He’s still grinning, his chest swelled with happiness. He bends to kiss Laurie on the forehead and she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Their intimacy and emotional connection is palpable, and I might as well not even be in the room.

  After a few seconds, they reluctantly pull apart. “I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Brett continues, his hand lingering around Laurie’s. He finally lets it drop so he can give me another quick hug. “I’ll come back later,” he tells Laurie, before leaving.

  I wait for the door to close behind him then I scream again and give Laurie another excited hug. “How did this happen?”

  She sighs happily and falls back on the couch. “Where do I begin?”

  “At the beginning!” I throw up my hands. “Last night, you said… you and Chadwick…” I join her on the couch. “What the fuck happened?”

  She covers her face, giggling behind her hands. “I couldn’t do it.” She drops her hands and gives me a shamefaced look before shaking her head. “I just couldn’t. I went there thinking that maybe I needed to get under someone else so I could get over Brett, and I was ready to. Chadwick is cute and sexy, you know?”

  “Yeah…?” I shrug. “So what happened?”

  “We got talking. Me and Chadwick. The food was horrible, God!” She grimaces. “Anyway, we drank wine, got slightly drunk, then I started talking about Brett, and even though I knew somewhere in my head that this was a date and I was supposed to be thinking about doing the dirty with Chadwick, I just couldn’t stop talking about Brett.”

  “Poor Chadwick.” I sigh. “How did he react?”

  “He listened.” Laurie smiles. “He’s really sweet, isn’t he? Underneath all that, ‘I can’t wait to get into your pants’ swagger.”

  I laugh at her description of Chadwick’s harmless flirting. “He is,” I agree.

  “Anyway,” Laurie continues, “At some point, it just became clear that what I needed wasn’t some quick fix to try to get over Brett. What I really needed was to tell him how I felt, to listen to him and try to make it work.”

  I hug myself. “Awww. That’s so sweet.”

  Laurie swats me playfully. “Chadwick called me a cab, and on the way, I called Brett. I took my own advice and told him everything I was feeling, my fears, everything I thought he didn’t understand.” She smiles. “He came over, we fought, made up, cried… Then it just kinda slipped out that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together. He didn’t plan to.” She holds up her hand. “See, no ring.”

  I blink back tears. “I’m jus
t glad you’re happy.”

  “Me too.” Her eyes start to glisten and she blinks rapidly. “I can hardly believe how happy I am. I can’t believe I was going to throw it all away because of a stupid hug in front of a stupid diner.” She looks at me. “He explained all about that too. She left her boyfriend and moved here to escape the ‘small town life’ and she’s been incredibly lonely, struggling with the desire to move back home, trying to find reasons to stay, but she’s finally leaving, and the diner was her goodbye lunch. Brett wasn’t even the only one there from the gym. He just came out with her because he was leaving too. Everyone else was still inside.”

  “Really?” I chuckle, “And you made me power walk almost the whole way home.”

  “Sorry.” She gives me a sheepish look. “I feel sorry now that I didn’t listen to him, but maybe we needed to go through all that to get here.”

  I sigh. “You’re right,” I agree softly.

  She takes my hand. “How did it go with Landon?”

  I told him how I felt.

  But he couldn’t bring himself to say he feels the same way.

  Because maybe he doesn’t.

  “I…” I shrug. “I don’t really want to talk about it, not right now.”

  Laurie gives me a long look, and for a moment, I think she’s going to insist. I really don’t want to talk about Landon. It’s not just because it would hurt me to remember, but also because I don’t want to tell her how last night went and be the one ruin the happiness of the moment.

  Thankfully, Laurie changes the subject and starts to tell me more about what she and Brett talked about through the night. She’s full of excitement and happiness, but she hasn’t slept all night, so it’s not long before she’s nodding off.

  After Laurie goes off to bed, I prepare for a nap too, wondering what Landon’s reaction was when he woke up in the morning and found that I had left him yet again. When I’d called Tony Gillies to arrange for my return on one of the early flights back to New York, I’d been afraid that he’d try to clear it with his boss, and some hopeful part of me had expected Landon to do something, like try to stop me.

  But he hadn’t.

  I’d flown back with Aidan, and even though we had a lively conversation on the plane, for some reason, we didn’t talk about Landon. It was almost as if he understood that there was something wrong, and that I would break apart at the mention of his brother’s name. In New York, a Swanson Court International town car had been waiting to drive me home. During the drive to my apartment, I waited for my phone to ring, for Landon to call, to tell me something, anything to make me believe that something good would come out of what I’d told him last night.

  But there was nothing.

  When I’m under the covers, my arms curled around a pillow, I allow myself to think of the way Landon held me after I told him I loved him, the way his body shook, the tenderness with which he made love to me, and the tears start to fall.

  I have to face the fact that we may never end up like Laurie and Brett, because not every love story has a happy ending. Maybe his aversion to commitment will overshadow his feelings for me. Maybe he’ll choose to continue the way he always has, and find someone else who would be willing to accept his terms of a commitment-free relationship, someone who wouldn’t make him face emotions he’d rather not feel.

  Maybe he’ll forget about me.

  Almost choking on the thought, I swallow my sobs and force myself to think of other happier things. I close my eyes, willing myself to fall asleep, and to believe that no matter what happens, I’ll be able to handle it.

  DAYS pass, and my strength starts to falter. I don’t hear from Landon, and the longer his silence lasts, the more an empty numbness spreads inside me. Every day, Rafael picks me up from my apartment for the drive to the Gilt building, and in the evening, he’s there to pick me up again. I don’t ask him about his boss, and he doesn’t volunteer any information.

  After a few days, Joe replaces him as my driver, a sure sign that Landon is back in town. The thought that he’s staying away from me even though he’s so close is almost too painful to bear. But I continue to wait, trying to be strong, trying to convince myself that whether he comes to me or not, I can live with it.

  He doesn’t come, but from all directions, I’m assailed with news about him. The media is ecstatic about the Gold Dust, and the reviews are beyond marvelous. He even makes the cover of a popular news daily. “Glitz And Glamour as Landon Court Opens New Hotel,” the headline screams, with a heartbreakingly beautiful picture of Landon on the cover.

  I can’t resist reading that, as well as the numerous articles on the internet. Many of them dwell on the connection with Ava, whose family originally owned the hotel, and they pair their articles with pictures of Landon with her. Only a few of them mention me as Landon Court’s date. But why should they bother? I’m just one in the long list of ‘dates’ that had come and gone.

  I read about Landon’s trip to Europe as the guest of the head of a corporate group with interests in hotels worldwide. There’s a party on a large boat, with lots of models and actresses. In the pictures, I can tell nothing from Landon’s face. As always, he maintains his detachment, his seeming lack of interest in the things going on around him, and looking at his face, I wonder if he’s thinking about me at all.

  His successes continue - rumors of the acquisition of a Vegas property, a news publication publishing a retraction and apology about a negative article written about him. Investors courting him…

  Five days.

  Without a word.

  And just like that, the sliver of hope I’d been holding on to, disappears, along with the belief that what he felt for me, the things I’d felt in his arms, would conquer whatever held him back. I have to face the knowledge that when I walked away from his suite in San Francisco, I had finally and irrevocably ended us.

  EVERYONE around me is ecstatic about Laurie and Brett. I am too, but in my current state of mind, I’m not strong enough to be constantly cheerful and excited. The effort it takes to hide my pain is draining, but I have to, for Laurie.

  “Your auntie Jacie thinks we should go to Barbados for the wedding. I think it’s an excellent idea. A change of scene for all of us. What do you think?”

  I’m on the phone with my mother, and we’re having yet another conversation about the wedding. Our parents are over the moon, of course, and my mom and aunt Jacie have made and shelved enough plans in one short week than most wedding planners make in a year.

  “I would love to go to Barbados,” I tell her. If anybody needs a change of scene, it’s probably me. Laurie’s grandmother, Auntie Jacie’s mom, lives in Bridgetown, and over the years, we’ve spent a few holidays in the Barbadian city. Having the wedding over there meant that Nana wouldn’t have to travel, and Laurie could have her wedding in one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

  “It would be lovely wouldn’t it? Taylor and Jacie will iron it all out with Brett’s parents, and we’ll make a holiday out of it.”

  “Is that what Laurie wants?” I ask, knowing that my mom and Aunt Jacie could very well make a plan and run halfway with it before checking with Laurie. It was just their nature.

  “Yeah…” she says slowly. “I believe Jacie’s talked about it with her.”

  I chuckle. “If Laurie’s okay with it, I don’t see why not.”

  “Exactly!” I can tell my mom is excited at the thought. She starts to go on about plans, color schemes, flowers and so on while I do my best to pay attention.

  “Laurie told me that you and Landon have run into another hiccup,” she says finally, when she’s out of other things to say.

  A hiccup? I sigh. Talk about making a molehill out of a mountain. “I don’t really want to talk about it mom.”

  “Okay,” she says quickly. “But if or when you do, I’m here, all right?”

  “Got it.”

  We’re both silent. “Are we going ahead with the engagement party?” I ask, chan
ging the subject.

  It works. “Of course!” she exclaims. “We’re thinking next weekend, but we’ll conclude tomorrow at dinner with Brett’s parents. We’re looking forward to seeing you.”

  Laurie’s dad is taking us all to dinner at his old club. The three sets of parents, Laurie, Brett and me. Another evening of trying to be cheerful and happy, when deep inside, I just want to curl up somewhere and cry. “I can’t wait,” I say brightly.

  “Good.” She sighs. “Your father says hi.”

  “Hi dad,” I call out.

  I hear his voice in the background followed by my mom’s laughter. “See you tomorrow sweetheart,” she says, “and take care of yourself,” she adds softly.

  ON Saturday evening, I join my family at the private club where we’re all having dinner, apart from Dylan, who’s in school. Brett arrives with Laurie, and his parent’s join us a few minutes later. Hugs and kisses are exchanged all around, and dinner is served at the large table we reserved while the parents bond, talking wedding plans, retirement, and then wedding plans again.

  After dinner, Brett and Laurie get up to dance to a slow song the band is playing. I watch them from the table, happy for them, and yet, envious of their happiness.

  “You look like you need a break,” my mom remarks, leaning toward me. Her remarkably youthful face is only marred by her expression of concern. “Have you been working too hard? You should come home and rest a little.”

  I shake my head, wondering how much of my misery is evident on my face. “I’m fine, mom.”

  “No, you’re not,” she whispers. “I’m your mother, and I have eyes. I can see that you’re not fine.”

  I paste a bright, fake smile on my face and give her a pointed look. “Do I look miserable? Mom I’m perfectly happy.”

  She looks at my dad for help, a sign that they’ve shared their concern about me. I take a frustrated breath and close my eyes, hating the fact that they’re worried enough about me for it to be an issue they’ve discussed. My dad gets up and comes over to take my hand. “Come on,” he says. “Humor your old man with a dance.”