Landon (Swanson Court Book 4) Read online

  How can she still love me?

  The next few hours, the rest of the Sinclairs leave, and I’m left alone waiting for Ava.

  Inside her room, there are a few bouquets of flowers. I sit on a chair beside the bed and watch her breathe.

  “I’m so sorry, Ava,” I say quietly. “I’m so sorry this happened.”

  She doesn’t wake up. I stay till late in the night, and then I head to the hotel.

  Rachel is already fast asleep when I get there, and in the bedroom of our suite, I watch her sleep, praying I can always protect her. Finally, I take a shower and join her in bed.

  She wakes up when I slide under the covers and she turns to me, whispering my name with a question in her voice.

  “Shhh.” Kissing her, I slide my hands down her body. She’s naked, and warm. She kisses me back with something that feels almost like ferocity, matching my need for her.

  We make love in the dark. “I love you.” I say the words over and over. She echoes them back to me, and for now, that is enough.

  The next morning, I leave the suite early to talk to Claude. It’s disappointing that Evans could get into Ava’s suite and leave without being seen. Claude is distraught, but it’s not really his fault. The focus of my team was watching where Ava went outside the hotel. It never occurred to them that she would bring him here.

  After I review all the security footage and spend a few minutes on the phone with Jed, I return to the hospital.

  Ava is asleep when I get to her room, the machines beeping around her.

  “She woke up for a little while. She asked about you. She was glad to know you were here,” a friendly nurse tells me.

  I nod then settle in the chair. The other Sinclairs are not around today, and I can’t say I regret that.

  After a while, I get up and go to the window. Outside, it’s a beautiful day, and somewhere out there is Evans, hateful and vengeful, eager to hurt me, willing to hurt his own sister because of how much he hates me.

  I should be with Rachel. I should be protecting her.

  “Landon…”

  I turn to the bed.

  Ava is smiling at me, her face pale. “I knew you would come.”

  I move closer to the bed. “How do you feel?”

  She makes a sound. “A bit weak.”

  “Do you want the nurse?”

  “No. Not yet.” She holds out a hand to me. “I’m so sorry. I should never have asked him to come to the Gold Dust. He wanted more money, and I wanted to see him. I think being there, he got a little triggered, and when he found out I’d seen you in New York, he just…” Her eyes fill with tears. “I just wanted to talk to him.”

  “Forget about all that.” I smile at her. “Focus on getting better.”

  “But what will happen to him?” Tears slide down the sides of her eyes. “He can’t go to jail. You have to help him.”

  “I don’t…”

  “Please…” She turns tear-stained eyes to me. “I love you, Landon. I always have. It’s killing me to think it’s all going to end like this, with you walking away from me and Evans ending up in jail.”

  “Ava.” I try to sound patient. “You’re not well. You need to rest.”

  “I love you,” she says again. “Does that not matter? I waited a decade for you, and now I’ve almost died for you. You can’t just walk away from me, Landon, please.”

  “Stop it. This”—I gesture around the room—“it’s not about us. It’s about you getting better.”

  Her eyes flash with something like resentment. “Fuck getting better. I need you. You always came back to me before. Why can’t it be the same this time?”

  “Because I love someone else, Ava, more than I ever thought it was possible to love.” Her lips tremble, and I can’t help feeling bad for her. “I’m sorry this happened, but if you want to be in my life in any capacity, you must accept that Rachel is the only woman who’ll ever mean anything to me.”

  She turns her face away. “So why did you come?”

  “Because she asked me to.”

  She makes a sound. “And she’s here too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, you can leave.” Her jaw sets. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Ava—”

  “No, don’t.” She smiles bitterly. “I don’t want your pity. Please. I’ll be fine.”

  She presses a button, and a nurse enters the room. I wait as she attends to Ava. In a few moments, she’s asleep again.

  “She’ll be out for a while.” The nurse smiles at me. “Maybe you can come back?”

  I shake my head. “No. There’s no point.”

  When I return to the suite, Rachel is not there. For a short moment of panic, I rush to check that her things are still in the closet. They are.

  She’s not leaving me. She said she wouldn’t.

  Though after everything, after all the things I told her before we left New York, who would blame her?

  I fix myself a drink, remembering the resentment in Ava’s eyes, the pain and dismissal. But no matter how sorry I feel for her, I can’t give her what she wants, and I can’t let Evans hurt anyone else.

  The door to the suite opens and Rachel comes in. She’s dressed simply, and when she sees me, her face breaks into a soft smile.

  Her appearance and her smile bring me so much relief that for a few seconds, I’m speechless. “I wondered where you were.”

  “Claude could have told you,” she says. “I went to see Jules.”

  I haven’t even done more than speak to Cameron on the phone. “How is she?”

  “Ready to pop.”

  I spend a moment imagine Cameron and Jules’s future offspring. “Would you like something to drink?” I ask Rachel.

  She refuses with a small headshake. “How is she?”

  Ava.

  “She’s doing great. Evans is still missing, but many people are trying to find him. He wanted more money, it seems, and when he found out she met with me in New York, it drove him crazy enough to hurt her.”

  “What will happen when they find him?”

  At this point, I don’t care how much Ava blames me. “He’ll never hurt anyone again.”

  Rachel turns away from me, leaving me wondering what I’ve said wrong, wondering if, maybe, she blames me too.

  “When are we leaving?” she asks.

  “As soon as you’re ready.”

  She leaves the room, getting ready to go while I make the arrangements for our trip. We barely talk through the journey to the plane and during the flight. I soon succumb to exhaustion, waking up when we arrive in New York.

  I know there’s something wrong, but I have no idea what it is, and Rachel makes no attempt to talk to me.

  After an early dinner, she goes to bed. I work for a while, and when I finally join her in bed, I dream she’s somewhere beyond my reach, hurting, and I can do nothing to save her.

  Chapter 35

  The silence continues over the next few days. Rachel barely talks to me. I know I should ask her again what the matter is, but I’m afraid of hearing the answer.

  I feel like I’m watching her slip away, and it’s killing me.

  I bury myself in work and wait for my people or the police to find Evans Sinclair. At night, my sleep is filled with nightmares.

  Every night when my nightmares wake me up, the sight of the quiet pity in Rachel’s eyes leaves me feeling more helpless. I start to spend the nights in my study.

  I finally arrange to see a new therapist. When I tell Rachel about it over breakfast one morning, her only reply is a quiet nod. It feels like I have lost her already.

  That day, I spend only a few hours at work before going to find Aidan in his office at the theater. After the opening, his role in the play is winding down, and he’s already looking at other projects, trying to decide what his next job will be.

  He’s also in love.

  “Everybody loves her.” He’s talking about Liz. “The reviews are out of this world. She’ll b
e one of the biggest things Broadway has ever seen.”

  “I’m glad.”

  He gives me a puzzled look. “You sound grouchy.”

  “Do I?” I shake my head. “I just needed to get out of my world for a while.”

  “Hotels aren’t doing it for you anymore?” He laughs. “I could wrangle you a bit part in a musical.”

  I chuckle. “I’d steal the show, you know.”

  He laughs again, and in his eyes I see the respect and admiration I’ve tried to deserve all my life. “I’m sure you could,” he says.

  I let out a deep breath. “I can’t focus on work.”

  “Is it this thing with Evans?”

  The thing with Evans affected Aidan too. He protested when I hired someone one to protect him. Even though his new bodyguard is an unobtrusive guy whose job is to keep an eye on him during his journeys to and from the theater, he still finds it humiliating, but he’s accepted it for my sake.

  “Some. Yes.” I grimace. “It’s not been the same, with Rachel…since we got back.”

  “Since you dragged her halfway across the country to Ava’s bedside, you mean.”

  “I didn’t…” I shake my head. “I didn’t drag her…and I had to go to see Ava. She was asking for me. Rachel wanted me to go.”

  “Maybe.” Aidan shrugs. His dislike for Ava has always been clear. “I’ve never liked her, nor that little gremlin she calls her brother.”

  “I know.”

  “Have you tried talking to Rachel?”

  “She’s just closed me off. To be truthful, I think it started even before we left Barbados.”

  “So, ask her what the problem is.”

  That’s the problem—what if her answer is something I don’t want to hear?

  “I can’t even imagine my life without her.” I look at Aidan, and his face tells me he understands.

  He pats my shoulder. “All the more reason to end the silence.”

  I have that in my mind when I return to the apartment. It’s still early, and the lobby of my hotel is busy with people coming and going from a book signing.

  I wonder if Rachel knows about the event. It’s the sort of thing she would like.

  The apartment is empty when I enter.

  As soon as I enter the foyer, I can see that something is wrong. Rachel’s purse in on the floor, and on the carpet close to it, there’s a small red stain.

  On a reflex, I hit the panic button on my phone and hurry into the living room. My eyes go to the curtains leading to the balcony. They’re billowing inward, letting in the biting wind.

  “Rachel.” I’m already running toward the doors.

  “He has a gun!” Her scream is filled with terror, and my heart stops beating. “He has a gun,” she screams again just as I clear the doors.

  Her hands and feet are bound. She is leaning on the balustrade, edging away from a figure dressed in black. Evans Sinclair has a gun trained on me, and that’s fine with me, as long as it’s not pointed at Rachel.

  I keep my voice steady though I want to scream. “What do you want?”

  Evans jeers at me. “What do you think?”

  My eyes go to Rachel again. Her terror is tearing me apart. What has he done to her?

  I turn back to Evans. “You’re not going to get it.”

  He smiles. “I think I already have.”

  “Really?” I need to keep him talking until Joe gets here, hopefully with the rest of my security. “You’re a wanted man. You’re going to jail. You won’t get your hotel back, and you won’t get away with whatever you plan to do here.”

  He glares at me, his eyes filled with hate. “You have no idea how much I hate you, how much I’ve hated you all these years. I loved her, and she chose you, over and over again. Ava was perfect, and you ruined her. You made her give you all the time, all the attention she should have given me.”

  At first, I’m confused. It takes me a minute to realize what he means. “Your sister—”

  “Yes!” he screams. “I loved her, and you took her from me, and then you stole my hotel.” He goes silent and draws in a breath of cold air. “Maybe I won’t get my hotel back, but then, maybe I don’t want it anymore. Maybe I won’t even get out of here or get away with this, but I’m going to hurt you, Landon Court, and you’re never going to forget about me.”

  I know he’s about to do something, and when he swings the gun in Rachel’s direction, my vision goes black. I leap for him, my only thought is to prevent that gun from going off.

  He turns back to me, as if in slow motion. His eyes widen, and I feel something hit me like a sledgehammer. I crash into him just as the recoil from the gun swings his arm backward, my weight does the rest, and we both go over.

  The last thing I hear is Rachel screaming.

  I love you, Rachel.

  I love you.

  Chapter 36

  I watch Evans fall. I watch him hit the ground with a sickening thud as Joe pulls me back over the balustrade, onto the balcony.

  Rachel is passed out on the floor.

  I crawl toward her. “Rachel.” My voice is hoarse desperate.

  “She’s passed out.” Joe’s voice is calm. “You’re bleeding. I’m calling an ambulance.”

  As the adrenaline recedes, the pain in my shoulder seizes me. Joe, done with his call, pulls me off Rachel’s inert body, takes care of my jacket, and starts to bind my shoulder.

  My vision blurs. I hear sirens. I try to reach out to touch Rachel’s face but she’s too far away.

  I panic. “I need to talk to her.”

  “You will.” Joe’s voice comes from far away. More people enter the balcony. “He’s lost a lot of blood,” I hear him say. “She passed out.”

  “Rachel…” I say her name, again and again. My voice rises. I see a strange face peering at my eyes. Then, I feel a pinprick, and everything goes from blurry to black.

  When I wake up in the hospital, Rachel is on a chair beside my bed. I try to reach for her, and the machines around me go off. Medical personnel rush into the room, and I try to see her between their scrub-clothed bodies. They feed me some more drugs, and I’m sleeping again.

  The next time I wake up, Rachel is still there. Now, she’s asleep, and I watch her for as long as I can before I drift off to sleep again.

  “He’s stable now. As you know, the bullet barely missed a major artery. He’s very lucky.”

  “As am I.”

  I open my eyes to see Rachel talking to a man in scrubs. I try to say her name, and it comes out as a croak.

  “Look who’s awake!” The doctor sounds too cheerful for his line of work.

  “Rachel,” I croak again.

  She’s already beside me, taking my hand, her eyes full of tears. “Landon.”

  I try to smile, but my mouth feels like dust. “Rachel.”

  “I’m here.”

  I squeeze her hand then go under again.

  They move me home the next day, with a nurse to help change the dressing on the wound and feed me pain medication.

  The pain in my shoulder is a dull thud, nothing compared to the relief I feel when I see Rachel beside my bed.

  I kept her safe.

  For the rest of my life, I will be grateful that I was there, to put myself between her and Evans.

  I kept her safe.

  This time, I didn’t fail.

  I wake up feeling peaceful, not sure if it’s morning or night. My shoulder is aching dully, but Rachel is beside me on the bed, and I can bear any pain just for the pleasure of watching her for a few moments.

  I watch her sleep for a long time, curled up on her side, facing me.

  My angel.

  How did I get so lucky?

  I know no matter what happened, I would have gladly given my life for her, and I’d do it over and over again.

  After a while, her eyes open, and she sees me watching her. She smiles softly and leans up on her elbow.

  “You’re awake.”

  “Yeah.�
�� I groan. “I feel like I’ve been asleep for weeks.”

  “A few days on and off, to give your shoulder time to heal.” She studies my face. “How’re you feeling?”

  “Achy.”

  Concern shadows her features. “Would you like some water?”

  “Yes.”

  She starts to rise, and I reach out a weak hand to stop her. “But don’t go yet. I just want to look at you.”

  Her eyes water. “Landon…”

  My eyes are stinging too, but not because I’m sad or anything. All I feel is gratitude. I’m so grateful to be here, with her.

  I take her hands, and they tremble forcefully in mine.

  “You’re shaking.”

  She smiles through tears. “I know.”

  I close my eyes, searching for words to comfort her.

  “Let me get you that water.” She moves to get up again.

  “Wait.” I swallow. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about Evans, for everything you went through… If only I’d listened to you after the thing with the car…”

  She shakes her head “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

  “It matters to me. I…” I see her out there on the balcony again, him turning the gun toward her. “God!” I swallow. “When I saw you out there with him, I think a part of me died of fear. I would die without you, Rachel. You are my life.”

  Tears fall down her face. “I love you so much,” she whispers. “When I saw you start to go over, I think my heart stopped beating.”

  “You think?” I smile. “You passed out.”

  The teasing works. She laughs. “Yeah, I did.”

  “When Joe pulled me back and I saw you lying there, for a moment I thought I had failed and he’d hit you.” I grimace. “Joe had to pry me off you.”

  “They sedated you because you kept on screaming about me.” She smiles. “They couldn’t work on your wound.”

  Makes sense. She lies beside me for a few more moments before going to get the water. I drink as much as I can then fall back on the pillows.

  “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

  “No.” I want to keep looking at her. “Come back.”